I will never forget the feeling in my heart when I found out that you were here, that you were alive, that you were growing on the inside of my swelling stomach. I won’t forget the look of joy and celebration on people’s faces as we told them with their gasps, and tears and squeals, as if you were the biggest gift. Because you are.
I will never forget how we flipped through baby name books and picked out little clothes and decorated a room that you would soon call your own. How every moment became preparation for your arrival. And how there was this anticipation and excitement to finally hold you in my very arms, for you to know that I am yours and you are mine. Because we are family.
I will never forget the clothes that became too small and the sleepless nights and the the ache that seemed to settle in my back as you grew bigger. Baby, you were the most beautiful inconvenience. Because if I was growing, I knew you were too.
I will never forget the first time I felt you kick and move around, almost like you were dancing or rolling around or reminding me that you were still there as if you just wanted to say hello. How every time I placed my hands upon my stomach and talked to you or prayed for you or sang to you, I just wanted you to know that I never loved you more.
I will never forget how sometimes I was afraid that everything wouldn’t be picture perfect or that when you came, I wouldn’t know how to hold you, how to feed you, how to give you everything you wanted, everything you needed. And how sometimes I closed my eyes at night and wondered if I would be a good Mom.
I will never forget how I would dream of the little one you would come to be and eventually the man or woman you’d grow into. I dreamt of your sweet voice and your infectious giggle and the way you don’t just give up. I dreamt about how you’d surprise me and how much you would teach me and all the valuable and beautiful things I would one day learn from you.
I will never forget us. I will never forget the journey that we shared of you in my stomach and me in the joyful anticipation of you.
Baby, I’ve loved you from the beginning and I will love you to the end.